Parodic Drabbles: Thor Edition
by GrantWard'sHipsterGlasses
Summary: Parodies of random moments that come to my brother and I as we watch the movie. Characters may be OOC for humor.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this is my first attempt at posting a fanfic. I've been writing parodies with my brother for a couple years now, but just kept them on my iPod. My brother gets equal credit for this, whether that's a good or bad thing... XD**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Thor, any characters in Thor, Mario, Mario Kart, Gale Hawthorne, or District 12. The rights belong to Marvel, Nintendo, and Suzanne Collins.**

 **I think that covers everything.**

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Chapter 1: Rainbow Road

Thor, Loki, Sif, and the Warriors Three were riding down the Bifrost when suddenly, they were hit by a flying banana (or rather, six of them). They were then passed by a man with a mustache in a go-kart. "I'm-ah Mario!" He yelled behind him.  
"How dare you strike the son of Odin!" Thor yelled, throwing a random, convenient (and unfortunate) spiky blue turtle after this 'Mario.'  
"Thor! You weren't supposed to say that yet! Didn't you pay any attention to the script?" Loki exclaimed.  
"Do not think to tell me what I can or cannot do, baby Frost Giant!"  
"...what?"  
"Besides, I don't need you for a brother. I've already got this guy!"  
Thor pulled over a small bearded man with a pick.  
"Hey! Wrong miner, idiot!" Grumpy yelled.  
"Whoops. I mean, this guy!"  
"What the- this isn't District 12!" Said a very confused Gale Hawthorne.  
"There is no District 12." Thor said solemnly.  
"Hey! Don't steal my lines!"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry, it's really short. But I will post another chapter today as well to make up for it. Also, it took so long to find the name of the Jotun who calls Thor a princess.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Thor. I also do not own Thor's response. That came from the movie Rio.**

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"Run home, little princess." Taunted Grundroth.

"I ain't your princess! Leave me alone!" Thor cried, tossing his long, golden locks. He then beat the living day lights out of the Jotnar with his ninja skills. Or at least, he attempted to. And failed. Miserably.

The Frost Giants all cracked up laughing. Loki just face palmed.

Sif and the Warriors Three wondered why they were following an idiot.

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 **Reviews would be appreciated! You don't have to review, but it would be nice to know what people think of this. Constructive criticism is very welcome! I really would like to know what areas I need to improve in.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here is chapter 3, as promised, since chapter 2 was really, really short. (I'm almost ashamed of it!) One thing that is good to keep in mind is that basically all of the parodies I have ever written have been with my brother at like 2 AM when we are both super hyper. :P Anyways, to the chapter!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Thor.**

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Chapter 3:

Odin watched as Thor disappeared into the Bifrost after his banishment, then turned around to leave. He then realized that he was still holding Mjolnir, so he quickly mumbled. "Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor." He chucked it behind him, not looking where it went. There was an "OOMPH!" from behind him. Odin turned around and saw that the hammer had hit Loki.

"How did you not see that coming?" He asked. "It's a giant hammer!"

"Because everyone expects a giant hammer to come flying at them." Loki said sarcastically. "Now can you get this thing off of me? I can't lift it."

"Hahaha! You're not worthy, Frost Giant!" Odin cackled.

"What?!"

"Nothing. But yeah, I'll get it off you. Just one quick tug-" Odin looked down at Mjolnir, dismayed.

"Ha. You aren't worthy either, Father!" Loki said. "Speaking of which, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Now's not the time! Heimdall! Is Thor worthy yet?"

Heimdall glanced over at them. "He's been gone for like five minutes, my king."

"Oh, right. Well, you may as well go down and try to make him worthy. Off you go!" Odin then shoved Heimdall into the Bifrost.

"Oh, great. Now who will control the Bifrost?" Loki asked. "...But surely you're capable, Father. Right?"

"Why should I have learned how to control it? That's what Heimdall is for!"

"...and now he's on Midgard. Excellent. Just excellent. Wait! Doesn't the Bifrost destroy a realm if it is left open too long?"

"Oh no. Well, stinks to be a mortal today, I guess!"

"You are a terrible king."

Odin glared as best as he could with only one eye. "Oh yeah, and you'd be any better."

"I would!"

"Prove it!"

"Fine! ...oh, I've still got Mjolnir holding me down. Well, that plan failed. When will Thor be back?"

"At this point? Never."

"But who will I fight when I try to take over Midgard? Spider-man? Please!"

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing."

"You do know that Thor isn't the only Avenger. ...Hey! I just had an idea!" Said Odin.

"That must have been a difficult task."

"Shut up! I wasn't finished. Can we slide Mjolnir?"

"May as well give it a try. Why?"

"Hahaha you just rhymed."

"Thor was right." Loki decided. "You are a fool."

"Anyway," continued Odin when he was finished laughing. "We could try pushing Mjolnir off of the bridge. No one can lift it anyway, so it's worthless to us."

"Hmm. That may be worth a try."

Odin proceeded to push Mjolnir (and Loki) over to the edge. Unfortunately, when he pushed the hammer off, Loki followed it. "Curse you, Father!" He yelled. He then fell into a random portal that was there for convenient purposes even though the Bifrost bridge hadn't been broken. And he was also a lot closer to his twisted memory of being thrown off.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I was going to make this a different story since it's technically from a different movie, but decided to put my Thor: The Dark World parodies in with the Thor ones since it's all in the same category anyway. I hope you enjoy! Might be a little violent for some.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Thor: The Dark World or any of the characters in it.**

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The Dark Elves were attacking Greenwich. Jane Foster was trying to keep them busy so her super powerful boyfriend could save the day, but it wasn't working out like she'd planned.

"Quick, Jane! Use that conveniently placed helicopter over there!" Yelled Darcy.

"Great idea, Darcy!" Yelled Jane in return. "This will be AWESOME!"

She thought that this would make her seem epic, but she actually just sounded stupid. She got the helicopter into the air. How, we will never know. Like ever.

What she didn't account for was that there would be a portal right above the chopper. Or that Thor would fall through that portal.

There was a grinding, crunching sound. Blood sprayed everywhere. As if that wasn't violent enough, the helicopter then exploded.

"AVERT YOUR EYES, CHILDREN!" Dr. Selvig yelled, turning to cover Darcy and 'the intern's' eyes. He looked over to see them making out next to him. "AVERT YOUR EYES, DR. SELVIG!" He exclaimed, horrified by the ghastly sight in front of him. He then left to go find his son, Legolas, who had gone to sail the seas with some girl named Elizabeth. "What's this?" He asked out loud, pulling a starfish off of his face. Along the way to find his son, he became a professor and helped a young genius (who was coincidentally named Will, the same name that his son was going by) find a psychologist.

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 **A/N 2: Wow... I referenced a lot of other movies in this! It's probably a good thing I actually wrote this quite a while back, or there might've been a reference to Stellan Skarsgard's role in Cinderella.**

 **Thank you to Bluetigress for reviewing on the last chapter! I really appreciate getting some feedback and am glad that you liked it! I hope you've come back to read this chapter and like this one as well! To be honest, the last chapter would not have been possible without my brother. We both we sleep deprived and really hyper and somehow, we managed to have an entire conversation in character without even telling each other who we were supposed to be. And thus, that chapter was born! It's probably my favorite!**

 **I'm going to do a double post today, because I have another short scene already written.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here is chapter 5 as promised! I'm sorry that this chapter and the last are pretty short. I'm a bit disappointed in myself.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Thor: The Dark World or any of the characters. I also do not own the short segment of a song.**

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The Aesir released the softly glowing lights into the sky. Suddenly, a strange sound drifted over the water.

" _And at last I see the light..._ "

"Was that...singing?" One of the Einherjar guards asked.

"I don't know, and frankly I don't care. Just continue."

An arrow was shot into the air, followed by screams of agony.

"Wrong boat, you fool."

Odin quickly tapped Gungnir against the ground. Unfortunately, the wrong boat dissolved into stars.

"Ugh!" Said a random Asgardian.

The boat that Frigga was on fell over the waterfall, her body falling out as the boat bounced against rocks.

"Hey." Volstagg said after a while, as if just realizing something. "That guy sounded just like you, Fandral!"

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 **A/N: Dang, HipsterGlasses, back at it again with the movie references! I can't seem to help it. Once again, sorry it's short, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!**


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